blah......

just.... blah. I'm sick today, but I have this thing called a work ethic that prevented me form calling in today. damn me.... I met an interesting woman last night though. She's..... well..... odd. Then agian, I met her at a LARP vampire game, so it's not exactly like i'm the pillar of normality here. I think she's hot.... but i know it could only be trouble. Not the good trouble either. there's just something about her that is practicly screaming "I WILL CAUSE YOU IMMENSE AMOUNTS OF DRAMA" I think i will go bug a friend of mine about it. See what shehas to say on the subject. Ceasar must go seek the council of his advisors.........

And the motherfucking saga continues......

SO! In what could only be described as a fit of unwarranted need for loud music and expensive drinks, i agree to go to a club. Right.... i usually don't like clubs, which held true for this one, but I go anyway cause i'm a looser who likes to pretend i have a life sometimes. the friends i go with are, surprise surprise, Jane, Mr. Man, and myself. Now, i know this is going to be bad. I knew that going into this. But still, i held on to some fleeting hope that his would not end in horrid fashion. Riiiiiight. SO, we're getting ready to leave, and Joan, Mr. Man's SO decided that seeing jane in a collar (Think metal, leather and padlock.... oi vey) would be funny and talks them into this. Mind you, I had no say, she was suddenly in the collar and had the key in her boot (bad idea number two.) well, the night goes on, the decided to pick up something to drink in the parking lot before they go in, so they can get drunk for a reasonable price. I don't know this, and no one tells me till it's too late (mistake number two. I stay pretty sober, two drinks, five hours. These two get plowed. Well, Jane decides she's going to "have her way" with mr. man because she can blame it on the alcohol. I express my objections, and she decideds to do it any how (bad idea number three, becuase Karma is a motherfucker). Well, Mr. Man says to me that he tried telling her to stop and she didn't listen.... which i did not see any evidence of, but hey, i'm not watching them the entire time, so it is possible..... riiiiiight, i just pretend to hold my breath till i believe that one. at any rate, he says he wants me to help him..... i try, fail, cuase she don't want no parts of me. So, he tries to convice me, more than jane, that he is not intrested. I'll just file that with the previous pretending, kill two birds with one stone. At some point in time, Jane wants the collar off, and they key is no where to br found. now, up untill this point, i'm under the impression that mr. man has the key..... well, it would appear that the janitors will be plus one key in the morning. so, we eventually get back to my car and try to pick said lock, no go. Mr. Man bought some premium locks, and i don't have premium lock picking tools. So he decides to go to this bondage club he knows about, see what they can do. Mind you, i still don't know what they had to drink before, so i think they are running on two, maybe three drinks. Come to find out later that jane thought it would be better to drink before they got in the club as a cost savng measure..... well, it was raining, wich means that the roads were just wet enough to be dangerous, and she hits a pole..... not a little pole she could take down, no..... a ENOURMOOUS pole that completly renders the front end of the car about a foot shorter. Karma will fuck you. She tried to blame the alcohol for her making the moves to steal someone elses man, and winds up having the alcohol take her car in stead. More irony, we were leaving the not have to deal with the ambulance that security wanted to call. Security caught us in the parking lot trying to undo the lock. Said they were going to make thier rounds if we didn't leave by then, they had to call an ambu. Mr. Man wants no parts of the ambu., so we leave, at his request. Jane drives, hits the pole, and he winds up in an ambu..... so, i got to spend the rest of the night playing taxi and driving people to the hospital and home.... yay... And the odd thing is that everyone seems to think, without saying so, that karma is indeed, a motherfucker..... joan and mr. man joke about the karmactic feel of it..... but we all know..... kinda spooky.

Differences

Poking through some other journals, i was reminded of a conversation i had at a party/bbq last night. The content of the conversation isn't really that important. I basically fell into the "body as a science" people agianst the "body as a unique and beautiful snowflake, too intricate to ever understand" people. I am in the science group. It is possible for a matrix-type apparatus to be made, where everything you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell, is fake. totally made up. The other people where decidedly against it. they believe we wold just "know" it was fake. I don't believe that. funny thing about this whole event is that the people who disagreed with us science minded, cold hard facts, people were the ones getting flustered. Couldn't even comprehend where i was coming from. It was amazing watching people get so flustered when your refute thier wave-neuvo spiritualism with facts with a plausible application. And the crowning moment, when I knew this was going to a very bad place, was when they fell back to reflexes. Be cause, obviously, the brain doesn't have anything to do with reflexes. In fact, the brain doesn't even know the leg moved. LOL..... right.... I then explained that was an incorrect statement and why, the artfully moved on. I don't mind different belief systems, i just mind blindly believing that science is automatically wrong, even when proved right. Silly people..... just .... silly.

my office is on crack....

My response to a edict sent down from my manager:

".... And I will strike down with great vengeance a furious anger upon those who attempt to poison and destroy my network!! And you will know my name is ROOT when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"


The network manager response:


"We should have shotguns for this shit."



It's true though.... if we had shotguns, our jobs would be so much easier. An ass full of buckshot makes all sorts of attitude adjustments........

my love life.

Well, as I would discuss this later. I figure now is as good a later as any. I have no love life. Seems that everyone I know seems to think otherwise. I don't understand why. But the fact remains, I have the sex appeal of a slug in a salt bath. I can't remember the last time someone actually expressed any desire for me. At best, I can achieve passing fancy. I usally get no further than brief thought. I used to have sex appeal. In college, I had no problems getting a date.... now, HA! It would appear as though I the perma-friend. I've given up. There's no point in trying to date. I'm just not viable, for lack of a better word. My last forray into that whole sceene ended in me loosing my Digweed cd. It was in lieu of my sanity, but still.... I liked that cd. Now i gotta go through the bother of buying ti agian. And that's annoying. Before that, it was the older woman with attachment issues. Mind you, not attachment issues I need to know about. Had she told me, I would have been just fine, but nooooo, she tells me after avoiding me for over a month. everything before is along the same lines. The only decent romantic entanglement I've had post college wasn't even serious. It was, effectively, just fucking. I miss the feeling we had. It was nice and laid back, neither of us laid guilt trips and ego trips and booby traps on eachother. But, she moved back to cali. :( but she's happy :). It's been asked of me before, "what am i looking for." That's the thing. I'm not looking for a specific person, in so much that I'm not looking classify people. I take everyone on an individual basis. What's cute when woman a does could be annoying when woman b does the same thing. So, I pretty much give everyone a chance to make an impression. Make me want to continue talking to them. Unfortunately, I don't get the same thing in return. I seem to be taken out of the running before I even enter the race. The slightest thing, and I get thrown back. I'm never just right.... And it doesn;t help that 90% of my exes have gone off the get married or engaged or in an LTR RIGHT after we break up. I think the record is two days. Two days to get over me, find someone, and get seriously involved. Not exactly what you'd call "good for my self image" I'm always the last potty break. Last chance to have a fling... then off the what they really want. It would be nice if someone really wanted me for a change. I'm getting a littled tired of feeling like a consolation prize. Hell, lately, I've been the cheap and cheezy door prize lately. No one wants it, everyone is praying they don't get called to go make nice and pretend they actually wanted the shitty gift. I don't get it. Everyone says i'm such a great person, that i've got so much going for me, but I can't even land a real date on valentines day, and I've gone kissless every new years to date. I just always end up the third wheel. Every couples single friend. Some days i don't think about it, and others, i'm sure something is wrong with me. I'm defective. And, lately, i've been feeling more and more defective. Like i'm just not good enough to be considered anything beyond a friend. I go used to go out to clubs and such.... but i got tired of being the single guy everyone avoids. I know it's circular reasoning, I'm defective cause i'm single, therefore, i'm single cause i'm defective. but it's how i feel. and i can't seem to shake the feeling. ok, getting a little more depressed and ranty than i planned, going to take a breka now.

GRRRRRR

I really HATE work now. I used to not mind it so much. Rather enjoyed it. Now mind you, not my job, or most of my coworkers. It's the upper management and execs who have gotten under my skin. I've some to realize a few very important things. a: Laying me off, then calling me back to do more for less money, and then to cut that money by even more, is apparently doing me a favor. b: Apparently attrition is not a symptom of a sorry work place, it's a method to keep labor costs down. c: There are really only two roles in business, no matter what the books and classes and professors tell you. Two roles: Top or Bottom. Either you're the fucker or the fuckee. Right now, I would be your friendly neighborhood fuckee. Well, it's time to either give me the reach around or got the hell out my ass. I have no problem taking the pay cut. I apparently have little choice in the matter. But, don't cut my already cut pay. That's bull. I'm not getting what I deserve in the first place. So if they want me to take a reduction in pay, i want to get my pay put where it should be, not where it is now. I know what it works out to, I did the math. I effectively get a 3.6% raise. I'm roughly 13.6% short, when rounded to the nearest .1%. Now, to reduce that by 10% puts me at 22.2% short, overall. More than twice what is being asked of me. If there were to put me where I should be on the food chain, It would only be a 3.6% raise, when counting the 10% cut. And this whole thing pre-dates the salary cut. I've been trying to get someone to listen to me around here and have gotten deaf ears and blank stares. So, no more Mr. Nice guy. Everyone gets one chance to listen to me before I jump to the next level. If they can't stop to listen, I'm not gonna stop to talk. Now it's my turn to piss down some legs. By the way, in case you haven't noticed, don't fuck with me. I'm patient. I can wait till you give me enough ammo. God am so much the serpent.... the Chinese where right......

DRAMA!!!!

Ok, so.... where to begin... I got this friend from high school. Now, i love the woman to death. Fortunately, i like her current man, so that's not the drama. But, we have this mutual friend.... lets call her Jane. Well, Jane seems to have a serious thing for my HS friend's (we'll call her Joan) man. Well, i happen to be over when all this came to a head. So, suddenly, i'm everyone confessional box. Don't know how. I'm not catholic.... my celebacy is not of my choosing (more on that later), and i have no desire to be in the middle. See, i have a thing for Jane, and me and Joan had a fling right after high school. So, in the intrest of my own sanity, I don't wanna be involved. But it seems they have taken all choice out of the matter. Well, in a fit of amazinf stupidity, i invite jane to a nice nightspot. Joan wants to come, i say sure, thinking she's gonna bring mr. man. WRONG!!! So it intstantly becomes and contest of whos more capitivating. I will admit, jane won, but i want to get with jane, and joans got her man. And i tried like hell to get other people to come, but everyone had a reason not to. So, as it stands right now, i'm somehow involved in some wicked love hexagon..... I like jane, who like mr. man, who doesn't like jane but instead is commited to joan, who flirts with me when jane flirts with mr man..... So, what does this teach us, boy and girls? NEVER, under ANY circumstances, stick around when the party goes south. Leave. Leave quickly. Fuck the beer, buy one on the way home. You can d/l the song of the internet. just LEAVE!! Had i have done that, i'd still be able to quietly pine for jane without having to deal wiht the jane/joan issue. I, of course, know that i couldn't actually do that. I'd stick around, and be in this situation.... BUT LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES!!!!

Riiiiiight

So, online journal attempt number 3. I have this habit of creaitng witty nicknames, and forgeting said witty nickname and having to start over. This is, of coourse, after i forget to post in, oh say, and eternity. At any rate, here goes nothing.... Look at it go....... wow..... nothing moves fast......