OMG!!!

My big ass feet...
So, i got to cheers. You know, to see who's there, have a few beers, the usual. I go to leave, and lo and behold, my car won't start. Starter won't even make noise. Now, i have an alarm with starte kill. BUT, i forgot about it. So it never occours to me to look at the control box. Luckily, a woman there, Rachelle (hot aisan chick) has AAA, so she calls a tow truck in to save my black ass from waking my family up to drive me home. The tow truck guy, Mike, Or "Magic Mike" as the ladies call him (Or so he says) brings up my fantabulous alarm system. he tries everything he knows and nothing. So we tow my baby home. He cuts me a break on milage, and i make up the difference in tip. $35 all together, no big deal. I hop online and get the instalation manual for my alarm, seeing as how if i can rig it to work for free, that makes me all the happier. Turns out the starter kill isn't as "advanced" as i though. It's only two wires. Either one could be loose, and my car to worky-worky. So, i decide it's an optimal time to sleep on it, seeing as how i find this out at 4:45AM. And i can't sleep. Can't even lay still till i look at it. So i go and look. Lo and behold, the wires for the starter kill are disconnected. I reconnect, and BOOM, tough actin tinactin.... i mean... the car starts right up. No worries. Not even a stutter. So, my big ass feet cost me $35, proved that "Magic" mike isn't all that far from the truth, and got Rachelle the cute asain chick to ask me for my phone number. That's right, i didn't give it, didn't even ask for hers or anything. All in all, not any big loss. Hell, i can even laugh at it.

hmmmm

I'm slightly worried for myself. I find myself being more and more...bitter... about my love life. And it's starting to spread to other parts of my life. Sometimes i find myself daydreaming about oddball things. Sometimes violent oddball things... I was driving to the movies last night and almost rear ended someone while i was daydreaming about a fight that a: never happend and b: probably never will happen. Maybe i'm not so ok anymore....

useless

yup... that's my personal life in a word or so.

I think I got it now...

I'm defective. That's gotta be it... Somewhere there is something that sends off a red flag of any woman in a 3 mile radius of me. And before anyone chimes in with the "there's nothing wrong with you" speech, i've heard it. And i don't buy it. There is no possible way just about every woman who has had any romantic involvement with me has found "the one" imediately after. The odds on that are just WAAAAAAY to high for me to not get the hint that there is something wrong with me. I'm really getting tired of being shown over and over that i'm just not "it", never was "it", and was obviously a horrid mistake. It's enough to make me want to start the killings. It wouldn't be so bad if every time i ran into an ex it didn't go:

Them: "I'm getting married in x days/months, how about you"
Me: "single"
T: "aww... not even dating anyone"
m: "no"
t: " well...........i........gotta.......... go"
m: "before you call me a loser, i got it"

Hell... who am i kidding. I haven't even had a relationship make it past 6 months... I don't even know the meaning of a long term relationship. I'm so defective, most women get rid of me before the novelty even starts to wear thin. And that ended years ago. i didn't even make it out of college before i stopped getting dates. Now, it's an act of congress for me to see a tit that didn't expect a dollar to be thrown it's way. I'd say i'll stop dating, but that'd be like a man in solitary sayng he's taken a vow of celibacy. Just a way to attempt to fool myself into thinking this is something i'm doing by choice.

And i've had it with the friend zone... I can't tolerate it anymore. Im not going to sit by and hope. Fuck that. It hasn't worked in how many years? Right now, it's a question of keeping my sanity. I figure, if i end up in the enemy zone, I'm not gonna hear about all the great guys these women meet, which implies that, somehow, i'm just not that great. It's torture, and I'm through with it. I will freely and openly admit that i'm not out looking for more friends, I already have more friends than i can keep up with. So telling me that we should be friends is like telling an eskimo in the tundra that he needs an air conditioner. It's a hard sell, and you can expect some returns to come your way.

And i'mn happy that alot of my friends are hooking up, or finding people they want to be with, but really, i'm begining to feel that there was some great date swap and i missed that day. Then again, i'd have to have a date to swap, and that's something i haven't had for a while now. ANd not for lack of trying. I even tried personal adds. Five sites, Five profiles, Countless first conacts. Two replies, One date, Friend zone. It's an edless cycle. I try, i get about one woman every two or three months to notice me long enough to decide i'm not even worth a go. Wash, Rinse, Repeat... I actually expect it now. If i didn't end up in the friend zone, i wouldn't know what to do. I'd e lost and confused in this whole new world.

Blah... I hate my personal life... I think i'll start finding ways to stay at work as long a possible. At least there i'm actually usefull and desired. And i get paid for it.

New Movement

I have decided to start a new movement. The "I don't care about your feelings" movement. Now, this is not an excuse to be crass to people. I'm all about maners and general common courtesy. I just don't feel i should be appologetic about everything. We've been taught all our lives to appologize about EVERYTHING. Well, i'm tired of being at fault for others problems. I'm not sorry you couldn't move over enough to avoid hitting my in the mall. I'm not sorry I'm a man in a patriarchal society. I'm not sorry that us black folks scare you. I'm not sorry for anything I a: couldn't avoid and b: didn't have any real choice in. "I'm sorry" should mean something when you say it. I'm not going to appologize for anything I meant to do. We've been raised to accept blame for everythng except what we've done. Yes, I'm an american, and I'm not sorry for it. I'm opinionated, and I'm not sorry. And I just might be smarter than others. And guess what? NOT SORRY. Don't ask what brought this on. I don't know. I DO know that I will no longer be an appology mill. And if someone has a problem with that, GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!