Blah

I been single to long. Sitting at roma, reading, i realized that women who normally wouldn't have showed up on my radar were pinging big time. Now, i'm not saying that I'm waaaaay superficial, cause i'm not. But I gotta have SOMETHING to work with. ANd i think i rooted out part of my problem. The woman who actually want to talk to me either arent looking to date anyone or are already taken. I haven't met a woman who was a single and looking in ages. Also noticed that when said woman become free or are ready to date, i'm not on the list of possibles. So, my loooooooooooooong string of unattachedness isn't exactly of my own doing. I just don't know how to fix it. So, you three or four people who actually read this damn thing, help a brotha out. If you know of a woman who is on the market for a new man, LET ME KNOW!!! introduce me. it would appear that I am completely incapable of hooking myself up. I'll go on blind dates at this point. Whatever... If it makes me desperate, then so be it. I'm just not happy being single, and i HAVE to change that. Before anyone chimes in with the obvious stuff, yes, ive tried the internet personals. Nothing. And meeting women on my own is what has gotten me where i am today. So, stop hiding me like some prized possesion, and market my black ass. HELP!!!!!

Ahhhh to be an IT professional

I have a 40 dollar bad ass keyboard at work. It's so bad ass i'm gonna buy one for home. And I got it just buy looking behind me a grabbing one out of a box we have. I didn't buy it and bring it in. No one knows WHY there are such dandy keyboards here... not like they serve a purpose for work. But hey, i claimed it in the name of me!!!

Happiness

Happiness is:
Riding home listening to Miles Davis playing Porgy and Bess with the windows down and the cold air in me face.

Realizing that yes, friends and movies is just what you need after beeing couped up in a house for two days with asthma

Realizing that I'm in a guild. A renny guild. I have new social obligations with new people to meet. wh00t!

That Neverwinter Nights is worth 30 bucks. Not the 50 they wanted at first.... but 30 is fair and waiting is good for my budget
End happiness list

I should sleep, but i'm some sort of emotional upswing at the moment... Don't know why, really. Two good friends of mine might have broke up... I hope they work it out, I kinda liked seeing them together. As a friend I LOVE seeing my friends date. As a bitter single male, i hate it. But that's my beef and not thiers. Sarah Vaughn = awesome.... I want a time machine just to see all the jazz greats in thier prime. On stage, just playing to play. Some pure music. That's one thing this sad and sorry country is missing. Doing things for doing them. No money, no fame. No power. Just to do it and do it as best as you can. I need to do that more myself. Stop living for others expectations, or for some material good. Just do what I can as best as I can because it makes me feel good. It felt good putting together lenoras pc and making it work like a charm. I didn't get anything out of it, really. And she is super happy with it. Giving massages makes me happy too. I like making people feel better than they were before i started... Call me kooky. Gave like two or three tonight. Nothing sexual about, no inuendo of sexual touching. Just relaxing those who need it. Bah, i'm gushing. I should stop now before I lose my man club card.

Arg!!! Meat!!!! NOW!!!! And Beer!!! WASH HER AND BRING HER TO ME TENT!!!!

there, that's better.

The good and the bad

Party and Nathan's house = good. Had fun. Drank to excess. Woke up a neat freak for a moment there. All in all, not bad. My costume was great. And i never once felt out of place. Since i susally feel as such at parties.

Getting back burnered by Dawn = bad. I was hoping that maybe Dawns flirting was a sign. I apperantly couldn't have been more wrong. She "needs to see where her and joe", the ex in chicago, stand". No, had i NOT have known of two guys she's mentioned wanting to date since she got back, I'd prolly' buy into it. But, knowing what i know, i find it a bit hard to swallow. I'm really, really, REALLY getting sick of not being "right". It makes me wonder why i even try sometimes. I didn't hold out much hope for me and Dawn as it turns out... If i did, i'm sure i woulda taken the back burner thing with a bit less "eh, whatever". Begining to get the feeling that most of my friends have much brighter romantic futures than me. Kinda scary to realize that yes, I might just be the "single friend". The one that, when everyone has settled into something long term, i'm still trying to get to date 1... MAYBE date 2. I'm not a hopeless romantic. I'm just romanticly hopeless. There is not light at the end of the tunnel. My love life has pretty much completely flat lined. Any and every woman i've come accross that showed even the slightest interest has blown me off in some way. I'm back to 0 possibles again. fucking home, sweet home. Think i'll celebrate this home comming by having a large guage piece of metal shoved through my penis. Not like anyone but me will miss it in the healing time. Hell, no one but me would even get to see it. or even give a rats ass it's there. Feels just WONDERFUL to realize that i could have made a multitude of genital decorations and no one besides me and the piercer would know.

Came to the desicion that my friends are adults. And if they will go blindly into dumb shit, no matter who much you try to explain how horrid an idea it is, then they made they bed, they get to sleep in it.

And yes, comments are off. I don't really care what any of the maybe three people who read this have to say about me situation. Chances are i've already heard it a million times from a million friends trying to convince me that i'm not a lost cause. that, somehow, I'll find the one for me. Well, they were wrong. I am a lost cause. There's no hope for my love life. Really. I should get a head start on the single friend thing now, so when it becomes a reality, i'm already ready. no devistation. No shock. Just ease right into a life of never needing a bed larger than a full, a closet big enough to walk in, or a method of birth control.

New website

So, i finally got the software needed for me to remake my website. Here is the second draft of the front page for all two of you who read this.:

http://members.cox.net/rook/Sites/portalv2.htm

Leave me comments. Let me know whats rocks. AND what sucks.
Me.