The good and the bad

Party and Nathan's house = good. Had fun. Drank to excess. Woke up a neat freak for a moment there. All in all, not bad. My costume was great. And i never once felt out of place. Since i susally feel as such at parties.

Getting back burnered by Dawn = bad. I was hoping that maybe Dawns flirting was a sign. I apperantly couldn't have been more wrong. She "needs to see where her and joe", the ex in chicago, stand". No, had i NOT have known of two guys she's mentioned wanting to date since she got back, I'd prolly' buy into it. But, knowing what i know, i find it a bit hard to swallow. I'm really, really, REALLY getting sick of not being "right". It makes me wonder why i even try sometimes. I didn't hold out much hope for me and Dawn as it turns out... If i did, i'm sure i woulda taken the back burner thing with a bit less "eh, whatever". Begining to get the feeling that most of my friends have much brighter romantic futures than me. Kinda scary to realize that yes, I might just be the "single friend". The one that, when everyone has settled into something long term, i'm still trying to get to date 1... MAYBE date 2. I'm not a hopeless romantic. I'm just romanticly hopeless. There is not light at the end of the tunnel. My love life has pretty much completely flat lined. Any and every woman i've come accross that showed even the slightest interest has blown me off in some way. I'm back to 0 possibles again. fucking home, sweet home. Think i'll celebrate this home comming by having a large guage piece of metal shoved through my penis. Not like anyone but me will miss it in the healing time. Hell, no one but me would even get to see it. or even give a rats ass it's there. Feels just WONDERFUL to realize that i could have made a multitude of genital decorations and no one besides me and the piercer would know.

Came to the desicion that my friends are adults. And if they will go blindly into dumb shit, no matter who much you try to explain how horrid an idea it is, then they made they bed, they get to sleep in it.

And yes, comments are off. I don't really care what any of the maybe three people who read this have to say about me situation. Chances are i've already heard it a million times from a million friends trying to convince me that i'm not a lost cause. that, somehow, I'll find the one for me. Well, they were wrong. I am a lost cause. There's no hope for my love life. Really. I should get a head start on the single friend thing now, so when it becomes a reality, i'm already ready. no devistation. No shock. Just ease right into a life of never needing a bed larger than a full, a closet big enough to walk in, or a method of birth control.