re: wow

and here is where the insecurities kick in. I wanna say "she'll call" and believe it. I'm just so used to things falling to shit when i try to do anything romantic since 1999 that I just can't. I wanna say i don't care, but i can't. I wanna not worry, but i can't. I wanna hear her voice on the other end of the phone, at least, but it seems that i can't. I can't make her return my call. I can't make her do anything. Hell, i can hardly make me do anything. Either she'll call, or she won't. And we'll continue, or we won't. and this time it'll be different, or it won't. And the suckiest part of all? I just know it was something I did. I just don't know exactly what point i possibly fucked this up so bad i don't get call backs. fuck it, I'm going to bed. At least i still sleep in peace. It's times like this i relish sleeping like the dead. Feeling this weak and powerless and small sucks :-(